Oh 2025, you two faced bitch.

This blog is about running, so running is where we will stay.

But even my relationship with running wasn’t immune from the push and pull, ups and downs and often relentless stress of 2025.

I’m proud to say that despite everything, I was consistent. According to my Strava Year in Sport, I was active 312 out of 352 days. Granted this includes a handful of non running days when I took the dogs for a walk but I think it’s ok to brag about doing something at least 6 days of the week, most weeks, more than the folks sitting the couch as the Instagram influencers would like to tell you.

On January 1st I only had one goal, Tarawera. I couldn’t look beyond it. It felt like tempting fate at a race that has been such a white whale for me in the past.

I felt like I had thrown everything I had at the race. I had a consistent coach (and actually followed the programming), I did my heat training, I flew out my running bestie to be my pacer, this was going to be the last time I ran this race because I was going to get to that finish line feeling like I had finally reached my potential here.

Spoiler alert, that didn’t exactly happen. The race report is here, but the cliff notes version is I had a knee blow out and walked the last 60km, an improvement on the year before when I walked from 60km and the year before that when I DNF’d at 60km!

But it was still an improvement by 3 hours and 48 minutes.

I came home and regrouped, adding a whole bunch of races to the calendar and didn’t do most of them.

I had this weird spark of wanting to try to get faster. It’s something I gave up on a long time ago, but it turns out if you actually do the things to help you improve, spoiler alert, you do, even when you are 40 years old and have been running for 15 years. Who knew!

Maybe it was the super shoes, maybe it was the actual fuelling and hydrating properly, maybe it was years and years of consistent training, but 11 years after my first marathon, I finally ran under 4 hours, 3:52:26 to be exact, a 14 minute (and 3 seconds) PR.

I was stoked with it, but I actually think I can do better. Do I want to? Not right now.

I went on to run PR’s at every race I ran except Surf Coast Trail Marathon.

I took 15 minutes off at Peaks and Trails 50k, 34 minutes off at Roller Coaster 46k, 38 minutes off at Portland 60k and 6 minutes off at AfterGlow.

I rounded out the year with a 58 minute PR at the New Years Eve Rock around the clock 42k.

Some races I do every year, others like NYE I hadn’t done for a very long time (8 years!).

I’ve had people ask what the secret is, after so many years running to suddenly be able to set personal bests.

I don’t think there is one, I think I’m just finally willing to actually try, to run up hills, to not “save my legs”, to regrouping and continually telling myself to just keep trying and keep doing what you can.

There’s lots of little things that I’m sure all added up and contributed but I think the mental piece has been the most important for me.

I saw an elite athlete last week post that he thought the mental piece over overstated and that fitness mattered more in ultra trail running. I bristled a little against that, yes you have to have the fitness, but if you don’t have the mental piece you’re fucked. You can’t fake it for 100km!

But 2025 it wasn’t all sunshine and unicorns, I struggled with hip and hamstring issues most of the year.

I didn’t start Surf Coast Century, which after the Tarawera regroup was my next target race after I charred my hamstrings in the last speed workout of the block.

I parted ways with my long time coach because I felt I just couldn’t justify the spend when I couldn’t commit to the work. I felt like I would just be letting another person down, wasting her time and my money.

I guess I needed to feel like I had control over something so I took control of my running. I went Strava dark (and still am).

I paused posting on socials. Everything felt very trivial and pointless, less humble brag and more just blatant self-flagellation. I felt influencers pushing my buttons more than ever before.

My motto outside of races was “my running, my business” and it felt like freedom.

I didn’t think I was that extrinsically motivated but maybe I am or maybe I just didn’t want to participate in the weird social ecosystem that running has become post pandemic.

I’ve enjoyed having something just be mine and taking ownership of that.

I’m not sure what 2026 will bring. Hopefully a performance at Tarawera that will allow me to finally move on from that damn race and look to other races and goals. I have a bit of an idea, but first we (me, myself and I) have to smash that Tarawera box, I’m done just ticking it, it’s time to get to that finish line feeling like I couldn’t possibly have done any better.

Fingers crossed, ducks lined up, may the odds be ever in my favour.