It’s been a while.

I didn’t start at Surf Coast Century.

I deleted my YouTube, made my Instagram private and went Strava dark.

I made running my business, and my business alone.

It was up to me how far I ran, how fast I ran and who knew about it. I wasn’t coached or told or prescribed.

It was liberating.

What if quiet and private was cool?

I never thought much about it to be honest. I didn’t think there was any pressure to do anything. I didn’t log into Strava after my runs, if it wasn’t a race or a workout, it probably still says “morning run”. I don’t give kudos unless I’m actually impressed.

My Instagram was a public running diary of sorts. It was public mostly so I could jump on fun trends and tag my favourite athletes, brands or podcasts.

I had a brief period during the pandemic where I thought about actively trying to grow a following but got bored of it pretty quickly.

And as for this blog and the YouTube, I just really liked making stuff, until I didn’t.

I really liked sharing, until I didn’t.

And I can’t even tell you exactly why, I just don’t want to. It doesn’t spark joy or excitement anymore.

I ran a race over the weekend.

I ran a race two weeks ago.

I almost ran a 5k PR.

The first one I loved. I think I took out my phone a handful of times and it was only to capture someone else’s outfit to look up later!

The second one, I loved a little less.

I found myself talking myself out of every other race I had planned for the rest of my life.

I had to use every mental trick I had to keep moving and get to the next aid station or water point.

Did I actually like this sport or do I just like the act of daily running?

I toggled back and forth over the 8 hours of the race.

I love the act of learning, reading training articles, listening to podcasts and applying them to my own training (outcomes have been extremely varied, from mild success to stress fractures and total body shut down!)

I love the act of trying to improve. Of trying hard, ticking the boxes and seeing if my times improve on a certain distance or course.

But did I like the act of “racing”? Am I even racing?

I guess I’m racing myself, my current self, my former self.

I’m racing in that I have entered a race, but I don’t think I’m actually racing other people.

Sometimes I can get a spark of motivation from seeing someone ahead of me and chasing them down. But if I’m all alone, that internal drive is rarely there.

The athletes who can time trial off the front, all alone, just them and the clock, is so impressive to me.

So I guess this post is just to say, I’m still here, I’m still running, I’m just doing it for me.

Will I do a recap of those races? Maybe, maybe not, the time has kind of passed.

But it’s been a great year of running that isn’t done yet, the year in review could be in the pipeline.