Missing running mojo

Ok so I may be a bit of a junkie. I realise that this is like saying I’m a bit of a female or a bit of an Aussie but I think I’m chasing the dragon, the Tarawera dragon!
I’m blaming Paul and Tim for introducing me. Every other race before that was just the gateway drug for Tarawera’s heroin and now I’m chasing that first high.
But like every other junkie on the planet, it never measures up! The course isn’t as pretty, the vollies aren’t as nice, the aid station only has water and lollies (I know right?)
I still love the trails and being out there, but the races are just such a disappointment! (And some of them are really great!)
I’ve never really had the mental mojo to do the big super Sunday’s (I train on my own) so signing up for casual marathons helps me commit to the long runs but I’m finding the events aren’t for me anymore. I quite literally took my bib off 15k into a 50k on Sunday because it just wasn’t for me and then had to turn around and go past all the other runners to get back to my car. Humbling and humiliating (especially since there wasn’t anything physically wrong with me). I just didn’t want to be there. 

Am I just that guy who got dumped and can’t get over his ex and no one will ever compare? 

Help! I miss my mojo!

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