There is a good reason that there are hundreds of quotes stitched on pillows, plastering Instagram feeds and tattooed in script on various body parts warning of the dangers of comparison. Comparison my friends, is a bitch.

The kicker is that when used correctly comparison can make you feel like you have your shit sorted out when everything else in your life is burning down around you.

Not happy with your current living situation, well at least you have a roof over your head. Disappointing in your performance at your latest race, well you should be grateful you can run this race at all, so many others can’t for all sorts of very valid reasons.

Change your perspective a little and maybe everything isn’t as bad as you first thought, maybe your just an ungrateful arsehole!

But for me, the comparison trap that sucks me in more than anything else is the need to compare current me to previous me or worse, to imaginary me. You know her, the me I pictured when I was a teenager, the me I visualised during that tough workout, the me I would be if all my dreams came true.

Welcome to the storm that has been June 2023.

It started off all kinds of bad and stressful in areas of my life outside of running. But of course nothing happens in isolation so the stress and heightened emotions flooded into every area accessible, making one hell of a mess.

I came out of May hopeful that I could get this niggle in my left knee sorted. I didn’t think too much of it, just a bit of overuse and anger from the stairs and climbing at UTA, nothing some rest and easy runs couldn’t fix.

But it lingered and started to stress me out.

I tried and failed multiple times to get in to see someone about it, an osteo or a physio, but they kept cancelling for a huge variety of reasons.

I won’t go too much into my rehab because I’ve already written all about my attempts to shot gun fix it here.

Good news is, I’m not sure what but, something is working. My run/walk interval is now at 1.4km and 2 min rest and I’m safety up to about 13-14km pain free, on the flat.

My body is sorer than it has ever been with the instruction of strength, activation and mobility exercises all across the day.

One thing that I have learnt this month is that whilst I like to think I’m the queen of consistency when it comes to running, I’m not at all consistent when it comes to all the other parts of being a good athlete.

My overall mileage was a lot lower than this time last year, where I was smashing 30-50k long runs without a second thought but I’m consistently climbing back up.

Since I couldn’t run the Surf Coast Trail Marathon, I put on my volunteer fluro vest instead.

I danced for hours in the bush directing runners where to go with New Found Glory’s “it’s all down hill from here” playing on the loud speaker (a big fat fib but part of the role of a volunteer is to lie to runners about how far it is to go and what is coming up next!)

It was meant to be a “rest day” but I smashed out thousands of steps and headed to the pub for dinner to celebrate with my mates who did run the entire course. It was actually pretty bloody fantastic.

I spent the next day enthralled in the Western States live stream, watching in awe as course records were broken and as normal people did some insane and at times heartbreaking things. One day I’ll have the privilege of running that race!

What am I most proud of this month? Probably taking responsibility for my own mess and standing up for myself when I need to.

There’s been a lot of mess, and I haven’t always treated myself with the most kindness and compassion. I hope by paying more attention I can be nicer to myself next month as I’m sure it won’t be challenge free.

I’m the most grateful to the professionals who did keep their appointments and listen to an overly emotional runner catastrophize a sore knee. I’m grateful that I could afford their care and appointments and I’m grateful that I have access to the health care system and the internet that I have.

As for July, who knows.

I hope I can come back next month with reports that I’m back on the trails and being consistent with all aspects of my training.